Behind The Cage In My New Van Build Reality
This is Day 12 of my Van Build.
And no coincidence that I am behind a cage.
Back when I received all the inspiration and intuition that it was the perfect time to upend my entire life, head back to my hometown to spend that intentional time with my parents I had been thinking about for years and build out a van (and home) with my Dad. I had stars in my eyes. I thought it was going to be this incredibly bonding experience where we would be laughing and collaborating every day to create something so beautiful that I would drive away with into the great unknown of a whole new life. Boy was I wrong. The struggles that have presented themselves since the moment I settled in to their home have been astronomical. Yep, I’m going there because I’ve been taken there. And the team I had dreamed of to tackle this project was nowhere to be found. What I did find every single day was two people with two very different ideas of how to build a tiny home on wheels. Two people that have always worked independently throughout their lives and who now were suddenly in a very small space having to communicate, collaborate and concede.
Which brings us to this day, day 12. This was the day of emotional overwhelm. I got angry. I fell back into an old story of unconscious unfettered reactivity. I had tried every way I could to resolve the building tension. Or so I thought.
Will we experience pain, overwhelm, fear, anger, previous behaviors in our soul growth journey? Yes, absolutely. Is it jarring? Yep. Does our ego want to be at a level of higher dimensional living that we no longer revisit old patterns, emotional outbursts, anger for days? You bet cha bottom dollar it does! So where does that leave us? In a place of curiosity and exploration. In a place of solid practice to ALWAYS fall back on, especially in the emotional explosions. We are working a muscle that responds faster, that breaks through deeper, that becomes a new habit. So while 1, 7, 20 years ago, the havoc that was unleashed on our body, mind and spirit in constant states of stress, karma and fear was our reality, we can now live in a state of balance and alignment with occasional jolts (and sometimes big ones) as we practice higher states of consciousness in those moments. It’s our chance to keep working that muscle out to shed the layers of programming, the patterns of stress, the karma from lifetimes. Leaning in to the uncomfortable emotion, exploring what’s underneath, using new tools of mindfulness and magic is becoming our new normal and it’s creating a frequency of support available to tap into for us all. Every time you practice your majesty, you emanate a vibration for others to draw from. Never underestimate the divine power we have to share through every conscious moment we create.
Thank you for allowing me to tap into your strength yesterday. It is through the trees, the air, the sun, the flow that I was able to fully release, reflect and understand what was really, truly underneath the constriction in order to expand further than ever before.
On to day 13…